‘Shit happens’ Sorry for the vulgar word but there is really no other way to put it. I could probably find a way to say this more eloquently or proper but in the end this is what it is paired down to.
This drawing was a product of that iconic saying. We all get hurt, we all fall down, we get defeated, we get what we don’t deserve. We never ask for this. But.. #*it happens. Now what?
This drawing, ‘Resurrection’, was done a few years back, 1987 to be exact, and was part of a series of drawings and prints I created as a result of an situation that brought my world crashing down around me (or so I thought). ‘Resurrection’ was actually was the last drawing of the series and chronicled my journey through this personal hell. Looking back at the body of work created I can recall the exact emotions and thoughts I was feeling when creating each work. It’s incredible what a 25 year perspective can reveal to you now.
What began with anger, bitterness and resentment tempered into an awareness of compassion, forgiveness and patience on my part. As I processed through the pain, trying to assign blame, looking for the reasons why, I was forced to look into my heart and soul. My own faults and failures were revealed to me. I couldn’t imagine that I could work through all this pain. I understood it a little better but how to let all these bad feelings go. I realize I had to find peace with all of this outside myself.
The figure reclines back into an abyss of darkness yet there is light breaking through. It floats on wings that enable it to rise above the confusion, sadness and loneliness. A look of acceptance and peace emanate from the face. Letting it all go. The figure seems to embraces itself yet it is actually the embrace of something greater than ourselves. It is the embrace of our Father. It is the embrace of loving myself again. When I found I was loved, when I could love myself, I knew I could love others again. That is where forgiveness and healing had to begin for me.
I held on to this drawing over twenty years, never put it on public display, along with most of the other work created during this time. When I finally did show this piece I was approached by a couple who had just lost a child and were strongly impacted by a sense of calm and acceptance the work spoke to them. It had helped me process my pain and now it was speaking to someone else. I let it go.